Mssr. Wham Bam Van Damme

From wikipedia- JCVD is "known throughout the French-speaking world" for his "picturesque aphorisms" including:

You don't need a flash to photograph a rabbit that already has red eyes.••

If you work with a jackhammer during an earthquake, stop, otherwise you are working for nothing.••

If you phone a psychic and she doesn't answer the phone before it rings, hang up.••

My wife is not my best sexual partner, but she's good with the housework.••

Obviously I've taken drugs.••

When I walk across my living room from my chimney to my window, it takes me 10 seconds, but for a bird it takes one second, and for oxygen zero seconds!••

I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground. And all the planes, too.••

Air is beautiful, yet you cannot see it. It's soft, yet you cannot touch it. Air is a little like my brain.