BALLHAWKING!

Man Always Attempts To Intercept Tossed Things
January 22, 2009 | Issue 45•04


FLAGSTAFF, AZ—According to sources at McNamara Advertising Inc., junior account executive Matthew Burns, 28, will attempt to catch or deflect any airborne item that enters his general vicinity and has an intended destination or recipient other than himself. "It doesn't matter what it is. I even saw him grab a used tissue out of the air before he realized what he had done," said office manager Karen Dunham, referring to Burns' habit of either batting away, snatching, or "alley-oop" slam-dunking pieces of garbage that have been tossed toward trash receptacles. "And he yells 'my house!' really loudly every time he does it. It's kind of getting out of hand." Burns was not available for comment, as he is recovering from an injury sustained after attempting to intercept an in-flight dart at a local bar.