Thursday, September 24, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
The very bottom of the crates, that is, for this atrocity. Every time I see one of Seagal's direct-to-DVD offerings, I am tempted to watch for comedic value, and every time, the movie is worse than I could have imagined. EVERY time. Yet I keep coming back.
Saw Undercover Brother this weekend and was pleasantly amused. It reminded me that the only other things I've seen Eddie Griffin in have been D-Big European Gig and the gem above.
"Hmm, we have Seagal. We gotta get this movie out for Romanian distribution in five minutes. Need a title. People?"
"Well, he's always looking for justice."
"He's out for justice, as it were?"
"Is he for hire, like a mercenary for justice?"
"He already made 'Mercenary For Justice' (true story!)"
"This is a toughie. Who's he after in this one?"
"Ah! So it's urban?"
"Um... I guess?"
"Boom! Urban Justice! Print it! Now, who knows Photoshop to put Seagal's head on some normal-sized guy's body? Just make it look reasonable from a couple feet away."
Thre director is "Don E. FauntLeRoy" (three capitals! Nice!), formerly, more normally, "Don Fauntleroy". His directorial efforts include three Seagal flicks and two entries in the Anaconda "franchise" (still?), so, um, there's that. BUT! Props 4 Life on being a cameraman (second unit) on T2.
Yeah, so, my point is, Eddie Griffin as a villain in an allegedly serious "action" movie. He and Seagal don't even fight! Not even with guns! HOW CAN THERE BE A SEAGAL MOVIE WHERE HE DOESN'T KILL THE FINAL BAD GUY!
Twelve thumbs down.
The tagline of Survivor, you say? Perhaps (htf is that show still on?), but more accurately, it describes the eternal workplace battle of Biz Versus The Firewall (starring, once again, David Spade as Biz).
I have nothing of import to post here, other than to say peep it, I'm posting here. Midday. Means I'm at work (but yes, Mr. Burns, hardly working). Meaning despite your best efforts, fired-wall, I have outlasted you. You are down! Back to Biznass!
The Review resumes publication as soon as Something You Need To Know crosses my screen.