Monday, September 14, 2009

Diggin In The Crates

The very bottom of the crates, that is, for this atrocity. Every time I see one of Seagal's direct-to-DVD offerings, I am tempted to watch for comedic value, and every time, the movie is worse than I could have imagined. EVERY time. Yet I keep coming back.

Saw Undercover Brother this weekend and was pleasantly amused. It reminded me that the only other things I've seen Eddie Griffin in have been D-Big European Gig and the gem above.

"Hmm, we have Seagal. We gotta get this movie out for Romanian distribution in five minutes. Need a title. People?"
"Well, he's always looking for justice."
"He's out for justice, as it were?"
"And how."
"Is he for hire, like a mercenary for justice?"
"He already made 'Mercenary For Justice' (true story!)"
"This is a toughie. Who's he after in this one?"
"Black guys."
"Ah! So it's urban?"
"Um... I guess?"
"Boom! Urban Justice! Print it! Now, who knows Photoshop to put Seagal's head on some normal-sized guy's body? Just make it look reasonable from a couple feet away."

Thre director is "Don E. FauntLeRoy" (three capitals! Nice!), formerly, more normally, "Don Fauntleroy". His directorial efforts include three Seagal flicks and two entries in the Anaconda "franchise" (still?), so, um, there's that. BUT! Props 4 Life on being a cameraman (second unit) on T2.

Yeah, so, my point is, Eddie Griffin as a villain in an allegedly serious "action" movie. He and Seagal don't even fight! Not even with guns! HOW CAN THERE BE A SEAGAL MOVIE WHERE HE DOESN'T KILL THE FINAL BAD GUY!

Twelve thumbs down.


  1. Who is that crazy Mexican guy on the right? Was he in the Milagro Beanfield War also?

    So urban!!

  2. that would be one of the greatest actors of all time Danny Trejo. Don't even need imdb for that one. Boom.